Truly extraordinary

Today I was looking trough some papers in my files, I needed the girls social security number for some paper work I was filling out. While searching I came across both of there birth certificates and read them then I searched through some more and found Leith's, our diciest son's birth certificate, I had forgotten how much he weighted 1 lb 4 oz. he was just a about an inch taller than a dollar bill. It's strange to think of him that tiny because when he was born and I saw him he was tiny, yet he didn't seem that small, but now reading and looking back he was very tiny.

After reading his birth certificate I read his death certificate, I can't believe we already have a death certificate in our little family. I couldn't help feeling sad, my stomach all of a sudden is upset and I can't help but replay that day in my mind. I am feeling a little sad because after reading the causes of death on the certificate I researched a little on them and it seemed he was in allot of pain and discomfort. I wish I could have bared some of his pain in those 4 short days. I've been missing him lately "I guess the sadness of loosing a child never completely goes away, it does get better but it doesn't go away."

The other night Erick was sitting on the floor playing with both the girls, they were having so much fun, I was making dinner and looked over at them, I couldn't help the taught of seeing Leith playing there too, it was such a strong thought I could see him there for a second. I asked Erick if he thought Leith would ever visit us, he answered yes. I hope it is soon. Sometimes when I can't go to sleep at night or when I just all of a sudden wake up, I look around the room hoping to see him, I have a few friends that say they have had visits from there diciest loved ones, sometimes more than once and I can't help but wonder and hope it will happen to me.

Sometimes I think of the things I could have done that maybe could have prevented his death and then I remember it wasn't ment to be prevented I accepted this trial and so did he. I should be happy and grateful for having the opportunity to be the mother of such a special boy he was saved from the wickedness of this world all he needed was a body and what he did for Erick and I in just four days was something I hope I can achieve in my lifetime. he brought two souls, two special children of our heavenly father back to him. "In just four days, He is truly extraordinary!"